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Some of My Craftings

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sending You a Little Humor Today.

When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.

The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed after opening. It will reopen Monday.

Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our bell choir practice.

For those who have children and don't know it, there is a nursery downstairs.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a great chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Questionnaire :
"What is your Church Preference?"
Answer : "I prefer a red brick church."

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.

On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.

There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy".

The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

We pray that our people will jumble themselves.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD

Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.

Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

ANOINTING OF THE SICK ... If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

When I was the "maintenance guy" at my former church, I left a note attached to a receipt in the office for the secretary. Note read: "Van Battery died." The secretary was concerned that she didn't know this church member, and asked how she should announce his passing in the bulletin.

Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gates of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance

3 comments:

  1. You do beautiful work! We used to have a grey tiger cat named Oscar. He was quite a character and very good natured. Funny mistakes! ~Roberta

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  2. These are HILARIOUS!!! I love it!! Thanks for my smiles (and many there were!) for the day!!! Hugs ~ Robin

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  3. LOL! Good Stuff!

    Carmen and the Primcats

    ReplyDelete

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