• I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a scary movie.
• I will not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
• I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt into the box of clumping cat litter.
• I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
• I will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over my humans' bed while she’s trying to sleep.
• I will not try to leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
• I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
• I will not check every door when it rains because I will believe my human that it will be raining on all sides of the house.
• Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
• I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" when my human is trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
• I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
• When my human puts me into the Cage Of Death for a trip to the vet, I will not try to use my own urine as a corrosive agent as it will not eat through the cage walls.
• Dry cat food is both tasty and nutritious, and it is always available. I will not starve myself and act pitiful all day long in anticipation of the canned food.
• I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.
• I will not eat spider plants and then hallucinate behind the toilet.
• I will not soak my catnip toys in the toilet to make tea.
Cheers to you all and give your kitties a little milk on New Year's eve! See you in 2011!